Osaka, After a year

my life in Osaka

So there's definitely much to say about what has been going on with my life this past year. To be honest, many many changes. The most important being (I think) stop smoking. Well, I have been trying for around 11 months and I have slipped several times but I'm proud to say that within these 11 months, if I put all the days I slipped I smoked around 30 days. ​In my book that's a pretty good deal.

I never thought it was going to be this difficult. But, I learned something quite interesting about myself and how I used to deal with certain problems.

2016 has been a year with so many ups and downs. 
Ups

1. Trying to stop smoking (December 2015)
2. Started running (best so far, 10k in 50 min)
3. Started painting again (characters and graffiti)
4. Got rid of two debts! (some others still to go, but what a feeling!)
5. Started my own Spanish blog (www.masparami.com)
6. Started cooking proper meals
7. Made profit from my blog 
8. Bought my beautiful set of copic and le plume markers
9. Still in love with my job

Downs

1. Horrendous dating life (>.<')
2. Continued lack of self-esteem and confidence
3. Constant mood swings

In the end, I'm pretty anyone who's reading this might think, you're ups are by far way better than your downs. Someone other might even say that those downs have no co-relation with my ups. My ups clearly show an attempt to make my life better. From those horrendous dates I had I did learn some valuable stuff. Thanks to one I started my "unsmoking" life and thanks to the other selfish prick I regain my love for painting. So, of course the ups surpass the downs in every way. But, why do I still feel empty? Why do I still feel in need of attention and validation? Well, again thanks to those dates I learned that I want everything to be perfect and such thing doesn't exist and even though I know this I still pursue it.

I decided to be my own man. At 29 I decided to start looking for myself and stop trying to please everyone. I only need to please one person and one person only, myself. I need to impress myself, I need to love myself and accept and be proud of my own skills.

For example being proud of my drawings: 

Pikachu

Hola :)

Oh well, all I can say is that I'm definitely proud of what I have achieved this year. I want to say I'm happy with my current life style but I can't. I definitely need to start doing more of something. I don't even know what, but I'm certain about something. Is that from this moment on I will start focusing my energy and thoughts onto what I like. It might sound a bit selfish and childish, especially being 29 and all but I need to start somewhere. I have been doing everything feeling less, feeling that I'm not worth it, feeling that I owe everyone an apology, feeling targeted etc. Time to start seeing and doing thins differently!

Thank you!!!